Aug. 2nd, 2017 10:05 pm
tefindeno: (Default)
I went down to main today for an interview for a different position.

I'm happy at my branch, doing what I'm doing currently now that I am full time.
But there is always room for growth and this would be a subtle start to slipping behind the curtain.

At the branch, the only place to go from where I currently am is Customer Service Lead (if I want to stay at my same branch and stay full time) and the person in that position will never leave. She's been there 14 years and has 0 plans of moving on.

So since I have nothing to lose, I decided to go ahead and interview for this position. The person in charge of the interview (the manager of the department) is my old manager at the branch. The one who originally hired me. So.. that's a plus. The position is for our 'call center' which is an 8 person crew (when fully staffed) that does what all call centers do.. try to help doing basic things and transfer calls to other people if needed.
It's what I do now but without face to face interaction. The volume is higher but for the most part it should be doable. It also comes with a nice $1.77 raise. It is a little farther away as it's in downtown Orlando, but only by about 15 minutes. And I could take the SunRail into work on weekdays and avoid traffic.

I'm not sure the interview went well though. Who knows though, we will see. I don't have a lot of hope behind getting this position. Lots of people want to work behind the scenes and honestly I don't have the most experience. But whatever. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

If nothing else it was nice to get a few hours to go downtown and hang out at the main library.

Tomorrow I have to go back down to main to meet with the financial guy to go over my 401K and investments or whatever that they give you for being full-time. So I have some vague idea of what's happening with this money. I asked during my interview if after that meeting if I could hang out in the call center and shadow to see what really goes on in that position. They said that should be good but if not I could sit at the Info Desk and help out there during that time. Either way it should be good.
tefindeno: (Default)
Today I thought about someone and realized that this is something that I've been so embarrassed of that I don't know that I've ever shared it with anyone.

Back when I was 13, before I had fully grasped the concept of homosexuality, before obsessions, and before I could properly understand how my actions would affect others, I found myself online.

Online and in some chat room, lord knows what I was talking about, though a good guess is horses. I WAS 13 after all. This is in the window of time between meeting with Sarah and prior to falling head over heels. Knowing I wasn't interested in dating boys, and that I was hungry for a girls attention was the base for what I was doing. I met a girl, named Liliana and we got to know each other. Accidentally, actually, I truly didn't mean to deceive but with the nickname of 'Patch' it was very easy for her to assume I was a boy and I just never corrected her, she also thought I was her age. Otherwise I said what I would normally say, I spoke about what I did, and we got to know each other except for this small deception. She was 17, she lived in New York in the Catskills and she was funny. This was before digital pictures were common so we never shared pictures of each other.

Months we spoke for long hours, such long hours that my Mom declared the internet an obsession (not incorrectly) and took my computer from me, or rather she took my keyboard because she couldn't be bothered to take the whole mess. In a wild effort to contact her I went online and used my mouse to copy and paste the letters I needed to explain to her what had gone on and gave her my address.

Thus we became pen pals.

My new Obsession was to mow the yard. Every afternoon I spent in my front yard mowing grass that didn't need to be mowed so I could watch for the post man to arrive at the Box at the end of the street and put in the mail. My Mom certainly wouldn't understand why I was getting letters from a girl named Liliana in New York.
For months while my Mom kept my keyboard we sent letters back and forth. Wonderful, lovely letters! Letters that smelled like warmth and sweetness. A few were Sealed with a kiss.
I saved these letters, in a small tin that I kept in my closet.

Eventually my mom decided I could have my computer back, I think the days of me being in the front yard with the lawn mower made her think I had overcome the problem. Incidentally I hadn't. I had actually spent the night at one of my brothers friends house, even though I didn't like the boys sister who was my age just to use the internet. I secretly created a username and password on their computer then at home would use their internet subscription to get online myself for short periods of time, around 2-3 in the morning when I knew everyone was asleep and that the loud drill of the dial tone would be less likely to wake anyone. For years the sound of the dial tone connecting was one of the sweetest sounds in the world for me.

At some point I started to feel really guilty because I really liked this girl. Late one night, somewhere around 3 in the morning I broke down and told her there was something I needed to tell her. I hesitated and she teased me lightly, back and forth for a few minutes before she jokingly said "What do you have to say? That you're a 12 year old girl?"
I almost choked. My response was a sickening, ".. well not 12.."
And then everything fell to pieces. She was upset, and rightly so. She berated me for lying, for causing her all this pain and I all could do was cry and apologize. I didn't know how I could possibly explain myself, because I wasn't even sure WHY I had deceived her the way I had. This was my first experience with acting on my feelings for another girl, feelings that at I really didn't even understand, though I did it in one of the most wrong ways possible.
There was no explaining it, and after an hour of this she signed off. We only spoke once or twice after that, me pleading for her forgiveness and her stiffly refusing and repeating that I had crushed her.

To this day when I think about her I feel an awful wave of guilt. It wasn't until just recently that I got rid of the wonderful letters that she sent me, they still smelled lovely. I had dreams of going to New York and going to her house, meeting her at the door with a boutique of roses and saying "I'm Patch, I've waited so long to meet you" but knowing I didn't look the part would certainly have ruined how good I wanted this meeting to be.

This was a learning experience that shaped my life.

During this time I had reconnected with Sarah and we were getting to know each other but rather than playing the boy card I stuck with my true self. I'm very happy and lucky I did, if I had lied the same way to Sarah it would have drastically changed my life and I would have missed out on knowing a fantastic person.

It's important to learn from your mistakes. I'm so glad I did.
tefindeno: (Default)
I've been a blob this weekend.
I've done a few things here and there but I haven't gone to the gym or done my C25k.

I've done situations, pushups and worked with the resistance bands, as well as cleaned and worked in the backyard today. yesterday we went out and walked around a bunch of places while my gf shopped. I was able to get a thing to grill veggies on so they don't fall through the grates in the grill. I'm excited to give that a try!

We are going to the grocery store tomorrow to get some grub so I'll be getting the veggies and stuff to make meals tomorrow.


Jan. 4th, 2013 09:25 pm
tefindeno: (Default)
My cookbooks have arrived!

While intimidated hopefully I can make this work. My girlfriend isn't very supportive about this. She knows what she likes to eat and that's all she is willing to eat. And she likes to eat mac and cheese (shapes) and frozen chicken nuggets. While I did the Whole30 she tempted me, and complained everynight that she was hungry and that I wasn't cooking for her. wahwah.
Hopefully we can get past that now. I got the cookbooks in part, hoping that she would go through them and pick out a few recipes she might enjoy so we can cook them together! We will see.
tefindeno: (Default)
Last night we went to a birthday party at Bloodhound pub out near Universal. It was a friend of my gf's boyfriend. I've met him but I don't really know him enough that I'd otherwise go to his birthday party. But I had a really good time, I don't know that I ever really talked to the boyfriend but a few of his friends I really enjoy hanging out with. We had a lot of good laughs.

Today the plan at work is to go in and wash all the K9's before doing my night shift. However it's cold and rainy and I don't really want to do it in the cold. i don't think the dogs will appreciate it much either.

I also want to go to the gym tonight. I was again going to plan to go before work today but I'm just not feeling good right now. And hopefully after 9pm the gym will be emptier. Stupid Resolutions really clog up the gym for a while.

I've got two cookbooks coming in the mail, a vegetarian cookbook and a Paleo cookbook. The general plan being to eat more fresh food this year and cooking more at home. (just finished off the beef stew I cooked for new Years. It was delicious). Hopefully this will give me more confidence in the kitchen and make me more comfortable cooking/eating at home. Maybe expand my tastes a little beyond what I normally eat. When I did the Whole30 I tried things I wasn't accustom to eating and that worked out well for me.

GoRuck now offers a 'light' challenge so that is my goal this year, to train to complete it! I'm excited! From there it will be to complete the full challenge, which is longer and much more intense. I'm hoping they offer a group in Orlando and once they do I will sign up for it and then I'll have a deadline.


tefindeno: (Default)

August 2017

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